Lonely This Christmas

It was one of the best Christmasses I could remember, just me and you, a fireplace and a bottle of wine.

I said it was cheesy and that I couldn't believe you could be so, you removed my coat and motioned for me to sit in front of the roaring fire, on a white fur rug, no less. You just smiled, sitting with me and revealing a bottle of wine from behind your back, a bow tied around the neck of the bottle.
"Merry Christmas, Simon."
I start to complain but you interrupt.
"I know you didn't want me to get you anything, but this is for us."
You smile, and suddenly this whole thing isn't so cheesy. It's beautiful.
"You're beautiful."
You mirror my thoughts as usual, but I tell you not to say that, you take the bottle from my hands and come closer, giving me a small kiss.
"You're more beautiful than Christmas itself."
And you kiss me again, deep and loving, touching me softly, your warm hands already trying to sift through my many layers of clothing to get to my skin.
I let you do this, after being hesitant for the longest time, and I know you realise because you pause when I don't take your hands away, when I let you run your tongue over my lips. I think you're about to say something, but you sigh and look at me, smiling, you know that I'm giving you the best present you'll be getting this year.

The shards of the bottle were scattered in the fur, the red wine staining the rug and the wooden floor, red and green against white, how festive.

I complain that I'll get cold, but playful, you know I'm being silly and finally remove the last item of my clothing, then quickly divest your own clothes, wearing only one layer and I ask you long you had been here to be warm in one layer.
"Some of us warm quickly, they don't need an entire mens' section of Debenham's under their coat!"
I playfight a little, we laugh and you kiss me, we carry on rolling, now passionate, not playful, we explore each others' bodies fully, hands and kisses all over.
I felt foggy, we hadn't had any wine yet but I felt dizzy, my skin felt like it was tingling when you touched me, melting when you kissed me, when we rolled it felt like the room was moving too.
Then we stopped moving, our kisses deepening, you're laid above me and you break away, and everything goes still, even the fire crackles seemed to lessen, as if knowing this moment needed quiet.
I think so much, I imagine you can see my thoughts because you kiss the corner of my mouth, moving down to my ear.
"It's alright..."
I take a breath, and your hands slide down, pushing my thighs.
"Are you ready?"
I shudder and swallow, you press against me, gently whispering to me, calming, I know you've done this before as you're so calm, so casual, then you stop whispering and I gasp.

To think we were so close once, inseparable. And now we're so far apart, and I am tortured.

You move slow and careful until I moan, you've always made me want more of everything, and I want more of you. I see you smile above me, you lean and kiss me, pushing deeper, I gasp and I can't help a shudder as I moan louder.

I let you love me, I loved you like I thought no one else could, I thought you loved me the same way. I look into the cold ashes in the fireplace, I planned to burn the note you left me, I planned to raise this building to the ground, but I just cried.
Merry Christmas, Simon, you'd said to me.
You never said you loved me.